So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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