why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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