idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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