Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
