sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
