Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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