really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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