Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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