I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
