I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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