I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
