i think i scared a bird with my dick
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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