i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
