took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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