so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
