Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
