Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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