i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
