There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
