so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
