He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
