***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
