i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your cock deserves a montage
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
