Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
