I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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