I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
