just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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