Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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