He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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