Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
