if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
