and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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