He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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