go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
