Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
