Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
third nipple confirmed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
