i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
