I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
