You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
