I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
