you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
