Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
