these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
