But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
