i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
