Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
