Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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