No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
