If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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