me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
