I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You can't special order awesome
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
